Well, it’s finally here.
The most overt act against our children porn has perpetrated yet.
What is it?
Porn sites are now actively launching a ‘sex-ed’ platform as a part of their attempts to mainstream their product.
The main site for this new launch is also one of the largest, PornHub. Parents be aware and be ready – though the site tries to appear as harmless, the links, notes, and external outlets can lead your child down the road to porn addiction!
Educate and Empower Kids contributor, Crissy May, comments on PornHub’s lack of concern for our children and outright deception, when she writes,
“When looking at the main page, one might think that PornHub is trying to inform their customers about contraception, sexual autonomy, and consent; however, at a closer look, it becomes clear that its main goal is to encourage unhealthy sexual views. While none of the articles contain pornographic pictures, some such as “What Happens at Play Parties? Notes from a Study” provide links to suggestive articles about BDSM and sex parties, some containing mild porn. While another article describes sexual positions and encourages the reader to look deeper by using very explicit descriptions. PornHub has also “conveniently” added a link at the bottom of all the pages to their main website; leaving easy access to their pornographic content.”
We at Men Against Porn say, “Enough is enough.”
Help us eradicate porn in our life time!
You personally may not be a porn addict, but porn is making addicts of us all. It’s time we stand together for our children and grandchildren and seek to stop global pandemic.
Biz@Menagainstporn.org
2nd Annual
Give Up Lust for Lent
By Eddie Capparucci, LPC, CCSAS
Every year the conversation in our home surrounding what to sacrifice for Lent is pretty entertaining. Each individual throws out an idea, while other family members counter argue why they believe it is not a true sacrifice. It’s always the usual list including sweets, bread, or electronics. In reality, all are good ideas and serve the purpose of denying oneself over a period of 40 days.
Last year I proposed men make a sacrifice that could have long-term and healthy outcomes for themselves and their relationships.
“Give up Lust for Lent.”
The response was enormous with numerous men informing me they were jumping at the chance to rid themselves of this decaying habit that wears upon their integrity as men and shakes their position as spiritual leaders of their home.
Once again the season of Lent is upon us and it’s time again to ask men to exam their hearts and ask God for the strength to turn away from pornography, illicit chat rooms, massage parlors, strip clubs, and other activities that demean women and dishonor their wives.
You may be shocked to know a sexual addiction is not about sex but instead is an intimacy disorder. Men abuse sex to distract themselves from emotional distress that often is not evident. In dealing with a sexual addiction, understanding the root cause of how and why it developed is a major factor in recovery.
As we enter the season of Lent here are several steps you can take to begin the process of removing a sexual addiction from your life:
1. Admit You have a Problem. Denial is a stumbling block for all addicts. The inability to see the potential destruction their actions cause leaves many people struggling needlessly. Ask God to help you examine your heart and make you aware that you need assistance. “Moreover the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live.” Deuteronomy 30: 6.
2. Don’t Walk Alone. Removing sexual sin from our lives is something we can’t do on our own. We need assistance and accountability. Seek out a trusted friend or a trained professional to help you get your journey going. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
3. Do it Today. There will always be a reason to put it off including the long-term rationale “I will try harder and commit myself to never do it again”. But that approach rarely works. You need insight about yourself and why you use sex to smooth your emotional pain. You need to identify the triggers that lead to your acting out. You must create exit strategies that will help you escape temptation. You need community that will support, encourage and most important provide accountability as you travel along in your journey.
On March 1, join your brothers in a mission to re-build your integrity and strengthen your legacy. Take the steps needed to honor yourself, your spouse and God. Give up lust for Lent!
Eddie Capparucci is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in Marietta, GA. He is a certified by the International Association of Certified Sexual Addiction Specialists. He was helped numerous men overcome sexual addiction including NFL and MLB players. He can be reached at edcappa@gmail.com.
Join the Lust for Lent campaign on social media and spread the word, using the hashtag: #giveuplustforlent!
This weekend marks one of the single largest viewing days in the world. Yeah, you know, it’s the Super Bowl.
Millions upon millions of people will be viewing this year’s Super Bowl. It seems that fans of this weekend’s game are pretty much rooting for or against Tom Brady, rather than for or against a particular team.
I like the Super Bowl for many reason (no, I don’t root against Brady- though I admit that I am partial to the Falcons this weekend). One reason is that porn viewing tends to go down during a Super Bowl.
That’s right! Down!
That is until right after the last second ticks off the clock. Then the fans of the losing team tend to run to porn to bring comfort to their soul. This weekend, MAP would like you to consider a different tactic to cope with your addiction – if your team loses.
We’d like you to try a few things we think may help:
- Reflect on the numbers of people who are Trafficked into sex slavery. If you’ve followed us for any amount of time, then you know that we can draw a direct line from sex trafficking to pornography. Perhaps, if you’d think about all the girls in Houston being sold this weekend, you’d be less likely to run to porn and more likely to run toward something else. What might you run to?
- Why not run to MAP’s Ten Day Challenge and decide that you will begin a life free from Porn this weekend. You can find MAP’s challenge here: http://www.menagainstporn.org/our-resources/. You’ll also find Eddie Capparucci’s excellent book on how to break free from Shame on our resource page!
- Ready to get involved with our efforts to rid the world of porn? Then check out our legislative efforts designed to heighten awareness to the pandemic that is porn addiction.
If you’d like to know more about folks engaged in the war on sex trafficking, then check out our friends at Exodus Cry, http://exoduscry.com/blog/general/city-focus-houston-texas/.
This team of folks is on the ground – in Houston – this weekend!
Men Against Porn is excited about your freedom!
Whether your team wins or loses this Sunday evening’s contest, we at MAP anticipate a day in which we may all live free. A day in which running to porn will no longer be an option!
Biz, MenAgainstPorn
©Biz Gainey
Over the past few years, our nation has been embroiled in bitter controversy surrounding the roots of injustice within our judicial system combined with the demise of civility and rise of criminal activity within our communities and culture at large.
The mantras, Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, etc., have become rallying cries of populist movements, political hopefuls, and a variety of news pundits.
I’d like to toss another one into the ring: Lost Lives Matter. To do so, I will be focusing on the loss of life within the Porn industry as well as the loss of life caused by the Porn industry.
#LostLivesMatter
Perhaps you don’t believe that Porn destroys life. That’s fair and, in today’s culture, common. So, at the outset of our emphasis, I’d ask you to give me a chance to make the case and encourage you to consider this cause. When the case is made, you will see that the cause will demand our full attention and immediate response.
I’ll begin by highlighting a few examples that illustrate how Porn kills love, life, everyone, and everything.
Porn Kills EveryOne and Every Thing
1. Porn is killing our sons and daughters.
I recently picked up an alarming and important book. It’s called, American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers by Nancy Jo Sales. Sales makes the argument, quite persuasively, that the Technology industry is, perhaps even unwittingly, in bed with the Porn industry. The Porn industry, of course, confesses openly that without technology their outreach and revenue would be nearly non-existent.
Sales then goes on to make the startling claim that Silicon Valley, which is the epicenter of technological invention, is infected with a frat-boy, porn-saturated culture at every level of its leadership. As such, the hub of our technological development is infused with porn-industry-ideology that’s demeaning to women at every level. If she’s correct, and she cites an array of data to substantiate her claim, then the outcomes of Silicon Valley’s inventions should concern every one of us!
Sales further asserts that many teenagers spend up to 9 hours a day on social media apps. Each app is littered with images that pornify women and distort one’s image of womanhood. Pornography, fundamentally, pictures women as objects, period. While this is increasingly becoming the case for our men as well, it has always been, and will continue to be the case for women.
Porn, at every level, objectifies women. As such, pornography creates a perspective among our teenage boys and girls that alters how they relate to one another.
The statistics are staggering.
Porn is killing our children. If #LostLivesMatter, then we must begin by protecting our children – the most innocent of our culture!
2. Porn is killing its professionals.
Perhaps you don’t care about the Porn stars, themselves. Yet, it’s important to remember that many industry professionals – though not all – feel trapped and experience deep bouts of depression, guilt, shame, and anxiety as a result of their experience within the industry.
Shelley Lubben, once a Porn star herself, has developed a ministry that reaches out to those in the industry as well as those addicted to porn. Her web site features a section dedicated to one-time Porn stars who are now dead. The last time I checked her site there were over 400 people listed.[i]
What other industry has such a high death-rate?
Do our politicians die at such an alarming rate?
What of our teachers, lawyers, plumbers, doctors?
Who is asking the questions:
Why are porn stars dying?
What forces have led to their death and how might future deaths be prevented?
Indeed, if #LostLivesMatter, we need to care just as much about those doing the exploiting as those being exploited. In this case, the women – and men – in the industry are victims of exploitation. If you’re watching pornography, you’ve likely viewed a video or clip that contained someone who is now dead. Check the link for yourself.
3. Porn is killing society as it enslaves.
The connection between pornography and sex-trafficking is irrefutable.[ii] While study after study finds that pornography creates a demand for prostitution[iii], which in turn creates a demand for sex-trafficking[iv], you don’t need a study to connect the dots – it’s simply logical.
Think about it.
The industry’s annual global revenue nears 100 billion dollars. Their reach is nearly without limit. As the industry grows, the demand for sexual satisfaction grows exponentially, year-in and year-out. When demand exceeds supply (which is always the case because the industry’s very existence depends on the development of an insatiable appetite for more), then those who provide prostitutes have to take any measure necessary to insure their survival.
Therefore, porn is – in part – directly responsible for slavery and sex-trafficking. Alarmingly, the pimps who steal our daughters have now begun to reach out through social media in increasingly threatening ways.
No child is safe.
Porn is destroying life, period. If #LostLivesMatter, then we must begin working toward the eradication of slavery, which will – out of sheer necessity – require the eradication of porn!
4. Porn is killing our souls as it distorts how we view one another and how we behave toward one another.
Pornography consumption rewires the brain and causes us to view other people in less-than-human ways.[v] I call this phenomenon the rise of the leery-eyed-leech. The leery-eyed-leech is no longer isolated to the porn store and peep show of a previous generation.
The leery-eyed-leech sits in church.
He attends the school play.
He sips coffee at Starbucks.
He stands in the hallway at work
He’s everywhere, and he’s enslaved.
Women are demeaned and degraded everywhere and in every way and porn, in part, plays a role in this loss of civility and decency in our culture. Ironically, we blame the women. We ask them not to wear yoga pants. Porn has so screwed us up that we blame women for our perspective of them.
Truth be told, it doesn’t matter if a woman dresses in a bikini or a burlap sack, the porn addict will objectify her and see her as less than human. This pornified-perspective constitutes the central loss of life from which we all now suffer.
If #lLostLivesMatter, then the loss of life that comes through an objectified perspective must be accounted for by the industry which perpetuates this reality and then relentlessly blames it on other forces.
If the devil were to manifest himself in human form today, I’m convinced he’d appear in studio as a producer of pornography.
5. Porn is killing its addicts.
People die while watching porn and driving. People suffer heart attacks while viewing porn in dark hallways at work. People commit suicide because the guilt they bear is too much for them to manage. People end their marriages because porn’s power is too strong to conquer.
Each time I read an article noting the death of someone or someone’s marriage at the hand of porn, I’m reminded of its pervasive grip and its unending goal. Porn exists to kill us and everything and everyone around us. You cannot make a redemptive argument – on any level – for Porn’s existence.
Worse yet, it’s a killer who evades responsibility for its crimes.
Of course, not every porn addict dies at the hands of porn. Not all marriages end because of porn’s presence. Indeed, I am a living witness of one who has been hooked to porn and now lives free from its hooks.
Thankfully, there is always hope. If you are in porn’s grip, know that you can be free.
There is help available for everyone – even the ones who believe they are most beyond hope.
Don’t give up.
Don’t give in.
Wake up and hope again! See porn for what it is: a killer and consumer of all that’s good in our world.
Porn is a killer.
Porn kills the very addicts its responsible for creating.
If #LostLivesMatter, then the addict’s life is no different!
Let’s extend hope to our sons and daughters!
Let’s extend hope to Porn stars who want to break free and live again!
Let’s extend hope to the millions who have been sold into slavery!
Let’s extend hope to those who can’t see clearly and want to be free!
Let’s extend hope to the addict who is barely hanging on.
Together we can #endporninourlifetime and declare that #LostLivesMatter.
Disrupting to Renew!
[i]https://www.shelleylubben.com/dead
[ii]http://www.covenanteyes.com/2011/09/07/the-connections-between-pornography-and-sex-trafficking/?utm_content=30869930&utm_medium=social&utm_source=googleplus
[iii]http://www.newsweek.com/growing-demand-prostitution-68493
[iv]http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/pornography-faulted-as-a-root-of-human-trafficking/
[v]http://fightthenewdrug.org/porn-changes-the-brain/?gclid=Cj0KEQjw3ZS-BRD1xu3qw8uS2s4BEiQA2bcfM7tisdhd_Pq8hBa7T7J4yNsCNTQ2BUylIYKKQp3gS8EaAp3s8P8HAQ
©Biz Gainey
Porn leads to rape.
We have empirical evidence to support that statement. We have countless stories to substantiate the claim. Now, years after the fact, we have horrific first hand evidence that should sway even the most entrenched skeptic.
Porn leads to rape.
I mean, after all, what kind of person sneaks into the bedroom of a fourteen-year old girl and, while she lay sleeping next to her younger sister, wakes her at knife-point, steals her from her family and spends the next nine months robbing her innocence as he repeatedly and compulsively rapes her – again, and again, and again – in a cave while his wife prepares his meals?
The kind of person that porn and porn alone creates and nurtures, that’s who.
You remember the story to which I am referring. It’s the story of Elizabeth Smart[i] which Fight the New Drug has recently distributed to the masses.
Elizabeth was kidnapped in June of 2002. At the time of her kidnapping she was fourteen years old. I remember the distressing new footage as if it were just yesterday. The whole nation was gripped in fear and desperate for hope as we watched, prayed, and waited.
We watched, prayed, and waited.
We watched, prayed, and waited.
While we watched, prayed, and waited he consumed, clawed, and raped.
It’s clear, in this case. Porn is the instigator of the man who played the perpetrator.
Who is going to hold the Porn Industry accountable for Smart’s abduction?
Why have no porn moguls been brought to court, as of today?
Simply put, because Porn is big business and the industry has sleazed its way through regulatory politics and continues to circumvent federal law.
I am also someone who used to be addicted to pornography. Even these days, I still find myself tempted to taste its forbidden fruit.
Some Necessary Caveats
I realize my statements are strong. Therefore, it’s appropriate to list two caveats or cautions that might help ease the blow of the statement ‘Porn leads to rape.’ Here they are:
1. Viewing porn doesn’t mean you will rape someone.
2. Viewing porn doesn’t mean that you are addicted to porn.
With those in mind, let me clarify specifically what I’m trying to say and then offer a few aids for those who are caught in porn’s web.
When I say phrases like ‘Porn leads to rape,’ or ‘Everyone is an addict,’ I am utilizing inductive reasoning. Inductive reasoning begins with specific and limited observations from which general conclusions can fairly be drawn.
We can certainly, with a fair amount of honesty, deduce that porn does, indeed, lead to rape. In the United States alone, we have multiple national accounts of the porn-rape connection within the last twelve months.
And, while everyone is not addicted to porn, we have certainly become a nation of porn-addicts. Pornography has – very literally – changed the fabric of human connection by striping human connection of all meaning and intimacy.
If these two statements reflect a general accuracy regarding our cultural consumption of porn, then it is incumbent upon us to do everything we can to stem the tide and reverse the course on which we are currently traveling. Indeed, study after study reveals that our children are not only the victims of porn-induced rape, but they are also now the addicts as well. What was once an ‘eerie-old man’ problem has now become an excitable prepubescent child tormentor.
I am going to suggest a few ways YOU can join this fight. Whether you’re an addict, or friend of an addict, or friend of someone who is being tormented by an addict, these are steps any of us can take.
1. Speak out Against Porn. Seriously, this is what’s needed most. Just stand up and let people know that you believe porn is a problem – a ravenous insect – that needs to be eradicated from our culture. You can begin by simply sharing this post on your social media sites.
2. Get Help with Your Addiction. When I was first ‘outed’ by my addiction, I had few resources. These days it’s easy to get help. Reach out to us at Men Against Porn or check out our partner portion of the website. Let your friend know that you’re struggling. Find a way to confess your addiction to your spouse or partner. Porn is fueled by web clicks. When we stop clicking, they will stop producing.
3. Take the Ten Day Challenge. Men Against Porn has developed a ten-day challenged designed to help you being your journey into freedom.
4. Talk About this with Your Kids. Dads (and moms), listen to me: Your children have already seen pornography. Speak with them about it. Keep up with their social media devices and the company they keep. The kid across the street, down the road, or sitting next to them in class may very well be the one who introduces your child to porn. An open and honest conversation with them will give them confidence and let them know that they can share this type of thing with you.
5. Use Accountability Software and Filters in your Home and on Your Devices. To this day, I have Covenant Eyes installed on my computer, tablets, and phones. There is quite a bit of such software available these days and we have some listed on our Partner page.
6. Share Your Story. Men Against Porn is always looking for new voices who will write for us. If you believe you have a story to share that will be of help to others, then reach out and let us know. We’d love to help distribute your story of hope!
It’s time we said enough is enough! Together we can experience a porn-free life and help usher in the end of porn addiction in our life-time!
Biz, Men Against Porn
[i] http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/elizabeth-smart-porn-made-living-hell-worse-article-1.2759152
TEN DAY CHALLENGE
Biz Gainey
“Pornography sites trump Twitter, Amazon and Netflix combined with more than 450 million visitors per month. Internet sex sites are responsible for close to 30 percent of all the bandwidth consumed on the internet on any given day. Is that crazy or what? And it isn’t just a small percentage of the population that is watching sex. Somewhere around 65-70 percent of men reading this article, and 30 percent of women, look at porn. Research shows that almost 70 percent of boys have had some exposure to pornography by the time they reach 11 years old and 97 percent of girls have viewed pornography by age 16.”[i]
I’ve been tracking porn culture for about 20 years. My personal story is one of walking away from porn addiction and into a porn-free life. It’s rare that I am surprised by what I read or hear regarding porn consumption these days.
The quote above, however, surprised me in one way: porn is more popular than Netflix.
I love Netflix!
Americans love Netflix!
The world loves Netflix!
We love, it seems, porn more!!
If this is the case and if you are struggling with porn consumption and addiction, then I invite you to take Men Against Porn’s Ten Day Challenge. We are going to, as a community, take the first ten days of August (or any ten days, pending when you read this article) and try to push porn down the popularity ladder a bit. I’d encourage you to share this challenge with your friends, family, neighbors, colleagues, etc. The challenge is one we can all take – whether we are hooked to porn or not.
In fact, if you aren’t struggling with porn addiction but you know someone who is – and genuinely love someone who is – taking this challenge with them might be a great way to partner with them. It may be a road on which you rebuild trust, support your friend, loved one, and grow together in the hope of a porn-free fully human life.
Join me.
Join us as we commit to pushing back against porn’s assault.
Take the challenge. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain!
MAP TEN DAY CHALLENGE
DAY 1: DEVELOPING SCREEN FREE ZONES
Begin and end your day by being ‘screen free.’ I suggest crafting the first thirty – sixty minutes and the final thirty – sixty minutes of your day as screen-free zones. You may be surprised at how ‘hooked’ you are to social media and technology. Such a simple exercise should help you approach your day and night differently – more at peace.
DAY 2: DISABLING APPS AND NOTIFICATIONS
Today’s challenge invites us to disable our social media apps and/or turn off all notifications. We are bombarded with useless chatter throughout our day. Our social media apps provide most of this chatter. If you can’t go a whole day, then just commit to one ‘block’ of your day, such as morning, afternoon, or evening.
DAY 3: OPENING ONE SCREEN AT A TIME
Today’s challenge invites us to utilize one screen at a time. In other words, if you have your computer screen up, then put your phone aside. If you have your Xbox on, then put the computer, tablet, smartphone, etc. down. One screen only – throughout the day.
DAY 4: PRACTICING GRATITUDE THROUGHOUT THE DAY
Today’s challenge invites us to go through our day with a particular focus on being grateful for what we have and where we are in life. Shifting our focus toward gratitude might give us greater clarity on our addictions and struggles. Specifically, take a few minutes and jot down three – five reasons you have to be thankful. Carry those reasons with you throughout your day. Porn leverages ingratitude and tricks us to click on what it offers to ease the pain.
DAY 5: EXPLORE AND DISCOVERY DAY – AM I AN ADDICT?
Many people aren’t sure if they are or aren’t addicted to pornography. Today’s challenge invites us to take a simple test to assess our proclivity toward and participation in this addiction. There are many such tests available online. I am providing a link to a test that xxx church provides. Just click the link and follow the instructions. https://www.xxxchurch.com/start-here/am-i-addicted-to-porn-test
DAY 6: MEANINGFUL COMMUNITY DAY
Today’s challenge invites us to involve ourselves in one significant community moment. Here are some ideas to help guide you:
Dinner together as a family.
Grabbing drinks with your colleagues after work.
Find a church or local house of worship.
Perhaps you simply walk around your neighborhood and strike up a thoughtful and caring conversation with your neighbors.
If you’re married, then a date night might be in order.
Maybe you want to hang out with one of them – with no screens.
The options are endless. This challenge will require that you connect face – face, rather than screen – to a screen!
DAY 7: UNDERSTAND PORN’S POWER AND PERVASIVENESS
Today’s challenge invites us to understand, on a deeper level, how pervasive porn has become. My suggestion is that you read an article or two that identifies how porn changes the structure of our brains and how porn is gradually shaping the infrastructure of our culture. I am going to provide some links to websites that will help:
http://fightthenewdrug.org/get-the-facts-2/
http://www.covenanteyes.com/e-books/
DAY 8: POSITIVE INPUT ONLY
Today’s challenge invites us to ‘turn off’ any input that is negative and demeaning. Many of us listen to song lyrics that demean others. We often involve ourselves in conversations that tear others down. We love the social media sites that are hyper-critical and mean-spirited. We watch movies, television programs, etc. that accentuate and exploit the worst parts of humanity. For one day we are going to say ‘no’ to all such input.
DAY 9: NO SCREENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
Today’s challenge might just be the most difficult one yet. This challenge invites us to leave our smartphones, computers, tablets, etc. in common areas. In other words, when we close a door, we shouldn’t have our screen with us. In other words, keep your screens out of closed offices, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc. Remember, it’s only for one day!
DAY 10: ACCOUNTABILITY AND ACTION STEPS
Today’s challenge invites us to take strategic steps toward accountability and action. One line of accountability is to install blocking/filtering software on your devices. Another might be confessing your problem to a friend or trusted loved one. Just put one accountability step in place. Next, take some time and develop three action steps you are going to take that will help protect you against porn’s power. These steps are designed to serve as a road map for your journey after this ten – day challenge is over.
DAY 11: CELEBRATE THE PAST TEN DAYS AND COMMIT TO THE NEXT TEN DAYS
Celebrate your successes so that you can accurately reflect on your failures. It’s a journey and a long one at that!
Remember, as ones who have been there and done that; we are here to walk with you and assist you on your long journey home.
If you find our resources to helpful to you and those you love, we ask that you share them with your friends, neighbors, and communities!
Together we can experience a porn-free life and realize the end of porn addiction in our life-time!
_________________________________________________________________________________
[i] http://www.floridatoday.com/story/life/wellness/2016/07/26/ronsisvalle-problem-pornography/87499284/
