We know that porn addicts can break free from the addiction by replacing old habits with new ones. Scientific studies are revealing how our neural pathways can be re-routed and re-directed.
The ultimate goal is not that we just quit porn, through behavior modification. Those who’ve tried (haven’t we all?) behavior modification find that such efforts fall short – again, and again, and again.
We are after nothing less than a renovation of the heart.
Renovations take time. Have you ever done a home renovation? Then you know what I mean. Renovations begin with a vision of a preferable future. Take a room you’d like to update, for example. You first ‘see’ what the room could be. You imagine new cabinets, pain, decor, etc.
A renovation of the heart begins in the heart, as we imagine – dream of – a different future. Really, it’s a picture of what the heart could be if it weren’t hooked on porn.
In other words, freedom from porn begins with a vision large enough to replace and rebuild the vision porn consumption has stolen from you!
This week, I’d like to challenge you to imagine a new life.
What would that life look like?
Take some time and answer the following questions. These might help you identify practices and habits that will lead you into freedom.
- What would my relationships feel like, look like, and sound like, if I weren’t trapped in porn? How would my relational quality improve?
- How would I spend my time with my wife, husband, children, neighbors, colleagues, etc., if my heart weren’t occupied by porn?
- What might I do with my new-found free time? What talents, strengths, gifts, hobbies could I explore with the time I once spent consuming porn?
Take about 10 minutes and record your answers to these questions. Keep them before you and begin moving toward them.
While this Renovation of Your Heart may take some time – as all long-lasting renovations do – it begins with a vision that propels you further and keeps you going when the going gets tough!
Let us know how we can help!
Biz@menagainstporn.org
“Believing for and Striving Toward the Eradication of Porn in Our Lifetime!”
A Three-Pronged Approach Toward Renewal and Hope!
Resisting porn and recovering from one’s addiction is never, ever easy.
Yet, one can live free and people often find freedom.
This week’s Mid-Week Minute offers a three-pronged approach to help you in your movement away from addiction toward a new-found freedom.
RESIST. REST. REKINDLE.
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RESIST THE PORN-PULL. When you are first tempted, it’s important to resist that temptation and replace it with positive input. DON’T ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT THAT ONE CLICK IS OKAY! Rather than give in, resist the temptation and REPLACE it, quickly! How can you replace it? That leads us to step two. . .
- REST WITH GOOD FRIENDS. An effective way to battle porn’s pull is to lean into meaningful community! Call a friend. Visit a family member. Run to an accountability partner! Visit a local house of worship or community center. Talk to your coach, teacher, parent, pastor, etc. Just don’t try to fight alone!
- REKINDLE REAL LOVE. Porn is fake love, false love, NO LOVE, period! It’s the absolute opposite of love!! As you find rest, you’ll then find strength to run to real love: the love of a spouse, a brother, sister, child, parent, etc. Light the flame of lasting love and rekindle the life that you’ve always longed to live.
We at Men Against Porn are here to help.
We hope and work for nothing less than the eradication of pornography in our life time.
We invite you to join us! If we can be of any assistance, please reach out!
Biz, Men Against Porn
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He was my only brother.
- Yet, I didn’t know …
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He taught me to play basketball.
- Yet, I didn’t know …
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He taught me how to become more like Jesus by going through lessons for new Christians.
- Yet, I didn’t know …
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I was the best man at his wedding.
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Yet, I didn’t know …
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He was the best man at my wedding.
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Yet, I didn’t know …
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He led the dedication at our church for our oldest child.
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Yet I didn’t know …
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He was my only brother, so I should have known, right?
Yet I didn’t know he was addicted to pornography.
How is it possible to have a person so close to me, but I didn’t know that he has a secret? He had a side he didn’t want anyone to know even though it was tearing him a part. How is it that your only brother can be living in such shame and yet the people who loved him the most and therefore could have helped him the most, didn’t know?
Looking, back, there were signs but I didn’t see at the time. It is similar to watching a movie based on a mysterious murder and you don’t know who the killer is until the very end. Yet, you watch the same movie again, you see all kinds of signs.
But, I didn’t get to see the murder mystery a second time because my brother died. Even in death, he hid it from me. Up until the very end, I would have done absolutely anything to help him overcome this addiction, but his shame took his secret to the grave.
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Please know if you are addicted to pornography, others are affected…
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Even if they don’t know.
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You have people who love you and want to help you…
In case YOU didn’t know
~Anonymous
2nd Annual
Give Up Lust for Lent
By Eddie Capparucci, LPC, CCSAS
Every year the conversation in our home surrounding what to sacrifice for Lent is pretty entertaining. Each individual throws out an idea, while other family members counter argue why they believe it is not a true sacrifice. It’s always the usual list including sweets, bread, or electronics. In reality, all are good ideas and serve the purpose of denying oneself over a period of 40 days.
Last year I proposed men make a sacrifice that could have long-term and healthy outcomes for themselves and their relationships.
“Give up Lust for Lent.”
The response was enormous with numerous men informing me they were jumping at the chance to rid themselves of this decaying habit that wears upon their integrity as men and shakes their position as spiritual leaders of their home.
Once again the season of Lent is upon us and it’s time again to ask men to exam their hearts and ask God for the strength to turn away from pornography, illicit chat rooms, massage parlors, strip clubs, and other activities that demean women and dishonor their wives.
You may be shocked to know a sexual addiction is not about sex but instead is an intimacy disorder. Men abuse sex to distract themselves from emotional distress that often is not evident. In dealing with a sexual addiction, understanding the root cause of how and why it developed is a major factor in recovery.
As we enter the season of Lent here are several steps you can take to begin the process of removing a sexual addiction from your life:
1. Admit You have a Problem. Denial is a stumbling block for all addicts. The inability to see the potential destruction their actions cause leaves many people struggling needlessly. Ask God to help you examine your heart and make you aware that you need assistance. “Moreover the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live.” Deuteronomy 30: 6.
2. Don’t Walk Alone. Removing sexual sin from our lives is something we can’t do on our own. We need assistance and accountability. Seek out a trusted friend or a trained professional to help you get your journey going. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
3. Do it Today. There will always be a reason to put it off including the long-term rationale “I will try harder and commit myself to never do it again”. But that approach rarely works. You need insight about yourself and why you use sex to smooth your emotional pain. You need to identify the triggers that lead to your acting out. You must create exit strategies that will help you escape temptation. You need community that will support, encourage and most important provide accountability as you travel along in your journey.
On March 1, join your brothers in a mission to re-build your integrity and strengthen your legacy. Take the steps needed to honor yourself, your spouse and God. Give up lust for Lent!
Eddie Capparucci is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in Marietta, GA. He is a certified by the International Association of Certified Sexual Addiction Specialists. He was helped numerous men overcome sexual addiction including NFL and MLB players. He can be reached at edcappa@gmail.com.
Join the Lust for Lent campaign on social media and spread the word, using the hashtag: #giveuplustforlent!
