So how are you doing with the porn problem you keep saying you’re going to tackle? Are you still struggling? Are you attempting to keep it hidden from your family, friends, and co-workers? Are you still living with the shame of not being able to stop?
Well, you are far from alone. Millions of men are in the same predicament. Each time they succumb to the images, they promise themselves, “that was the last time.” But it’s not.
Studies show 40 million Americans regularly visit porn sites, and 70% of men ages 18 to 24 visit a porn site at least once per month. The most active group engaged in online porn is men, ages 35 and 49. It is estimated 3-5% of the population has a pornography addiction. I told you, you’re not alone.
For a fifth consecutive year, Men Against Porn is sponsoring its annual Give Up Lust for Lent campaign, where Christian men are encouraged to take the steps necessary to put them on the right pathway in managing their pornography problem.
Each year, the response to this campaign has been positive with men taking the leap to rid themselves of this decaying habit that wears upon their integrity and shakes their position as spiritual leaders of their home.
Once again, the season of Lent is upon us, and it’s time to ask men to exam their hearts and ask God for the strength to turn away from pornography, as well as illicit chat rooms, massage parlors, affairs, strip clubs, and other activities that demean women and dishonor their wives.
You may be shocked to know this addiction is not about sex but instead is an intimacy disorder. Men abuse sex to distract themselves from emotional distress that often is subconscious. In dealing with an addiction, understanding the root cause of why it developed is a significant factor in recovery.
As we enter the season of Lent here are several steps you can take to begin the process of removing a porn addiction from your life:
1. Admit your struggles.
Denial is a stumbling block for all addicts. The inability to see the potential destruction their actions cause leaves many people struggling needlessly. Ask God to help you examine your heart and make you aware that you need assistance. “Moreover, the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live.” Deuteronomy 30: 6.
2. Ask for help.
Removing sexual sin from our lives is something we can’t do on our own. We need assistance and accountability. Seek out a trained professional and/or support group to help you get your journey going. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
3. Do it now.
There will always be a reason to put it off, including the long-term rationale, “I will try harder and commit myself never to do it again.” But that approach rarely works. You need insight about yourself and why you use sex to soothe your emotional pain. You need to identify the core emotional triggers that lead to your acting out. You must create exit strategies that will help you escape temptation. It would be best if you had a community that will support, encourage, and, most importantly, provide accountability as you travel
along in your journey.
4. Check our blogs and articles for resources.
Visit the MenAgainstPorn.org website and check out our blog for articles and resources that can assist you on your journey. Structure and self-care are essential components to beating this problem. We can show you how.
On Feb. 26, join your brothers in a mission to re-build your integrity and strengthen your legacy. Take the steps needed to honor yourself, your spouse, and God. Make a commitment to Give Up Lust for Lent.
New Book Outlines How the Road to Recovery from Sex/Porn Addiction Goes Through Our Childhood
“Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction” outlines a cutting-edge approach to treating sex/porn addiction, a disorder that is reaching epidemic portions. Author Eddie Capparucci, LPC, C-CSAS, developed the Inner Child Recovery Process for Sex/Porn Addiction (ICRP) based on years of success in treating men suffering from the disorder. The book is scheduled for release on Feb. 13, 2020.
The key to the ICRP is answering the “why” question. “Why have sex and pornography overtaken my life?” And the answer to that question can be found in the Inner Child. The inner child is a storage unit filled with pain points from childhood and teen years that have been repressed.
Capparucci has identified 9 inner children, each with unique emotional stressors based on past pain points. When a negative event – minor or major – occurs in the daily life of an addict, his inner child immediately searches the storage unit to determine if the current event correlates with a past emotional wound. And if he finds a match – the addiction cascade is set in motion.
Why? Because the inner child is trapped in a time warp surrounded by frightening memories, and when one of those pain points erupt, the kid desires to seek comfort. And he has learned, sex is a remarkable source of comfort.
Some of the 9 children include the Bored Child, the Emotionally Voided Child, the Unnoticed Child, and the Unaffirmed Child. Each child has his own core emotional triggers based on the pain points faced as a youngster. During therapy, clients identify the children they resonate with most, which leads them to compile their unique list of core emotional triggers that activate their addiction. It is not unusual for a client to associate with three or more of the nine children.
The book has been endorsed by major leaders in the behavioral addiction field including Dr. Rob Weiss, PhD, MSW, an expert in the treatment of adult intimacy disorders and addictions and author of numerous books including Sex Addiction 101.
“This is an excellent and necessary examination of the ‘why’ of sex and porn addiction, helpful primarily to men in sexual recovery who’ve established initial sobriety and need deeper, longer-term work to heal and remain sober,” says Dr. Weiss.
ICRP also is extremely beneficial for the spouses/partners of the addicted individuals in providing them with valuable insight into the rationale why their partners betray them. This, in turn, helps to reduce the spouse/partner’s feelings of inadequacy as well as provides empathy, which is needed to help restore relationships.
Copies of “Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction” will be available at all major booksellers, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Abebooks.com, and other online book retailers. Preordering is now available on those sites.
This is an open and anonymous letter that we’ve received at MenAgainstPorn. We believe this is a message that must be heard by everyone. Please, share this with your friends and family and encourage others to join this worthy cause!
#enoughisenough
I Fight Too
To the man who stole my husband’s innocence,
I know.
You didn’t physically harm him.
You didn’t physically introduce him to the world of sexuality.
You didn’t touch him inappropriately.
You didn’t intentionally steal from his mind. I know.
But the truth is, you did.
For many years I have had nothing but compassion for you. I know your story didn’t just happen. I know that somewhere along the way you were a victim. I also know that only now, as a mature adult, have you recognised the need and found the willingness to face your greatest battle – your addiction to pornography. You have much to be proud of because you have fought and you continue to fight.
Still, I need to tell you that you are not the only victim in this struggle that you fight daily.
I have stood beside your wife as she cried the tears of a lifetime’s worth of hurt. Standing in my kitchen she explained that she knew she could have walked away but she didn’t because she never felt God calling her to. Her strength to stay with you despite her emotional pain is honestly honourable.
She refuses to give up on you; you are blessed to be loved by her.
Unfortunately, I know how she feels. You stole my husband’s innocence.
He was a child.
A CHILD!
He was exposed to pornography within your home despite your ‘efforts’ to cover your tracks. As I write this, I process the enormity of your failure to protect his mind.
Suddenly, I understand why I have never seen the look of complete passion and desire for me in my husband’s eyes.
He has seen it all before.
Suddenly, I understand why I need to initiate most intimate moments with him Because what I have to offer is nothing compared to what you made available to him.
The difference, though, is that what I offer is real.
What you offered, while exciting, was fake.
He is a man who chose to fight this battle before you did.
He didn’t want to be you.
He isn’t you.
He wanted to hold his wife close to his heart and love her without confusion or blemish. He does a great job, but he can’t do this completely. He loves me more than I had ever anticipated someone could, yes.
But there is a small part of him that I can’t undo.
This is the part that you are responsible for.
Yes.
I!
Blame!
You!
I blame you for not being the father he needed. I blame you for stealing something from him that I too have to live with. I blame you because I can’t experience the freedom of a normal, happy and healthy sex life without thoughts of not being enough. Many times, I even question if I am a repulsive human being.
Why else would he squirm when I touch him?
Why else would he shy away from compliments or comments of desire?
You’ve confused him and I blame you.
I!
Blame!
You!
Marriage is supposed to be a place of exploration – of one’s self, of spirituality, and of sexuality. I’ve had some truly beautiful moments with your son but intimacy has always been and may always be a struggle.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve googled ‘husband not interested in sex’. This has become my secret. Generally, it is the woman who is less interested in sex. But I struggle with not understanding why the opposite is true in our relationship. I feel rejected. For years now, I have wondered, ‘What is it about me?’ I see things more clearly now and I have decided to free myself of this burden. I now embrace whatever sexual activity I’m invited to explore and I understand that my husband’s innocence was taken.
I’m no saint. I had partners before your son. Perhaps the remembrance of those relationships is the only way I’ve kept myself sane some days. To know that I was once wanted in a sexual way is somewhat reassuring. But in those relationships, I wasn’t wanted for the person I am. I was wanted more for the fun that was shared. When your son doesn’t want me, I now know, it’s not me.
Sadly, it’s what you did to him as a child.
I.
Blame.
You.
But, I forgive you.
My relationship with your son hasn’t been without hurt.
On two occasions, I’ve found evidence that inappropriate websites had been viewed. Additionally, your son has confided in me that he was tempted to go elsewhere for a bit of ‘stress relief’ too. God knows how much I hate those ‘massage parlours’. He broke me completely when he told me about that. Why was it okay for a stranger to touch him when I have to defend myself when I simply rub his back? A great comfort for me at that point in our marriage was that I had begun feeling sexy and confident. I still don’t know what brought about the change in my self-confidence, but I look back at photos of myself at around that time and I see someone who felt good. I had confidence in myself regardless of his ability to see me that way.
My point is this: our marriage hasn’t been perfect but it’s been good. Really good.
Much of our expression of love has been tainted though. For the first time in our marriage I am freeing myself of the sadness and the self-imposed responsibility I have carried. I can see that this is bigger than me.
I can see that I have a man who was broken as a little boy because you didn’t protect him.
I forgive you. But I need you to know, you are not the only one who fights this battle.
I Fight Too!
We know that porn addicts can break free from the addiction by replacing old habits with new ones. Scientific studies are revealing how our neural pathways can be re-routed and re-directed.
The ultimate goal is not that we just quit porn, through behavior modification. Those who’ve tried (haven’t we all?) behavior modification find that such efforts fall short – again, and again, and again.
We are after nothing less than a renovation of the heart.
Renovations take time. Have you ever done a home renovation? Then you know what I mean. Renovations begin with a vision of a preferable future. Take a room you’d like to update, for example. You first ‘see’ what the room could be. You imagine new cabinets, pain, decor, etc.
A renovation of the heart begins in the heart, as we imagine – dream of – a different future. Really, it’s a picture of what the heart could be if it weren’t hooked on porn.
In other words, freedom from porn begins with a vision large enough to replace and rebuild the vision porn consumption has stolen from you!
This week, I’d like to challenge you to imagine a new life.
What would that life look like?
Take some time and answer the following questions. These might help you identify practices and habits that will lead you into freedom.
- What would my relationships feel like, look like, and sound like, if I weren’t trapped in porn? How would my relational quality improve?
- How would I spend my time with my wife, husband, children, neighbors, colleagues, etc., if my heart weren’t occupied by porn?
- What might I do with my new-found free time? What talents, strengths, gifts, hobbies could I explore with the time I once spent consuming porn?
Take about 10 minutes and record your answers to these questions. Keep them before you and begin moving toward them.
While this Renovation of Your Heart may take some time – as all long-lasting renovations do – it begins with a vision that propels you further and keeps you going when the going gets tough!
Let us know how we can help!
Biz@menagainstporn.org
“Believing for and Striving Toward the Eradication of Porn in Our Lifetime!”
A few years ago, Singapore based game publisher, IGG, saw their annual revenue jump over 200%. Their popular Castle Clash accounted for nearly 80% of the jump. What you may not realize it that kids who play this game are given access to thousands of other games, for free.
Dozens, possibly hundreds, maybe thousands (the number is too high to count), of those other games are explicitly pornographic.
All of the games are free.
All of the games are easy to download and disguise.
Parents never have to know.
The global gaming industry is one that’s been teen-friendly (as a distributor of porn and exploiter of our children) for decades.
IGG-games is no exception.
In fact, parents, you need to know that IGG offers porn to your ‘gaming-child’ for free.
Yes, they offer games like Honey Select free-of-charge, to children of ANY age.
Others titles (again free) in their library?
- Porno Studio Tycoon
- Drunken Robot Pornography
- Bad Ass Babes
- Beauty Bounce
- Beach Life: Virtual Resort: Spring Break
- Detective Masochist (Yes, you read it right)
- Nefarious (as sickening as it is, an “adult” edition featuring anime characters designed to look like preteens)
Some of the games even offer dating advice to your six year old.
And all of it’s free.
IGG, short for I Got Games, is a rapidly growing publisher of mobile online games with an astounding global influence. This group of investors is intentionally poisoning our culture and the children being raised in this culture.
Men Against Porn is working hard to hold investors like these accountable. Ultimately, we intend to usher in the end of porn in our life time.
Until that occurs, we will stay vigilant in our efforts to help you keep your friends and family safe.
Please help us by sharing these posts and engaging with us in this battle!
The team at Men Against Porn
