By Biz Gainey
“How can I prevent my children from seeing porn?”
The above question is one I often hear. It is on the heart of every well-meaning and concerned parent these days. My answer to them is this: “You can’t prevent your children from seeing porn. Eventually, they will see it.”
I follow that up by encouraging them that there are ways to prepare their children for this eventuality and preparing them in their desire to push back against porn when it encroaches!!
Simple And Effective Ways Parents, Families, and Individuals Can Push Back Against Porn
Understand that Porn is targeting our children
This is crucial. Most parents don’t realize how aggressive the porn industry is and how invasive it has become. The tactics and strategies the industry uses to suck pre-teens in are as pervasive as they are effective. Over two-thirds of a child’s initial exposure to porn is unsolicited and unwelcomed.[i]
Preempt Porn’s Perversion with Positive, encouraging, and life-giving parenting
Spend time with your children – both formally and informally – discussing the realities of porn in our world. Let them know that if, and when, they look at porn, that it is okay for them to tell you. In fact, they should know – without a doubt – that you want them to tell you! After the initial thrill that porn provides begins to wane, fear and shame quickly settle in. Fear and shame are the soil in which isolation and silence are birthed. A child who stays choked by the roots of this silence and shame will – undoubtedly – run to porn again. This return to porn begins the slow but steady descent into addiction. Be preemptive!
Model Sexual Integrity
There is an old axiom that drips with truth: More is caught than taught. In the area of sexual wholeness, this is certainly true. If you’re married, then love your spouse above all other loves. Cherish your spouse and be sure your children know that. Porn is fake love, and when you place it next to genuine marital love, it will always crumble. If you’re single, then practice the type of sexual integrity you hope your children would model. I find that many men continue to secretly struggle with porn. If this is the case, then admit it. You don’t have to tell your child, but you do need to share your addiction with a trusted friend and – sooner than later – your spouse.
Develop an On-Going Action Plan
Make some decisions regarding technology and how and when it will be used in your home. If your son or daughter has a smartphone, then you will need to establish a baseline of acceptable behavior that will protect them from the industry’s reach. Some things you might consider:
a. Using a filter on all devices.[ii]
b. Check ALL history daily. When history is deleted, there will need to be consequences.
c. No screens behind closed doors. For example, no televisions, smartphones, tablets, or computers, etc. should be allowed behind closed doors such as bathrooms and bedrooms.
These are just a few suggestions that we’ve used in our home. You will need to establish some ground rules that work well within the pre-existing flow of your family. No ground rules, however, is sure to lead to porn consumption, if not all-out addiction. Smartphones are pocket-sized perversion centers, and the porn industry both knows and exploits this reality thousands of times a minute. Silence and a failure to develop a technology-use plan are akin to aiding and abetting the porn industry
Don’t be Afraid to Reach Out For Help
When I began my journey out of porn, there were precious few resources. These days help can be found in nearly every community. There are many places on the web where you can find help as well. This site, MAP, is one such place.[iii]
I hope for, pray for, and work toward the day in which our children do not have to grow up with the reality of pornography. This, however, is not that day. Until that day arrives, I will do all I can to help prevent porn’s spread and prepare others how to face it!
All of us at MenAgainstPorn.org want to be an encouragement to you and a resource for you! Reach out to us if you’d like to know more about how to join the movement or if you simply need help in your own battle!
Together we can experience a porn-free life and help usher in the end of porn addiction in our lifetime!
[i] http://3m37tq2euojp3d9gpf4dbqph.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/Impact-of-Exposure-to-Sexually-Explicit-and-Exploitative-Materials.pdf
[ii] http://www.covenanteyes.com/services/internet-accountability/
[iii] http://www.menagainstporn.org/memes-partners/
Eddie Capparucci is a Christian therapist and licensed by the State of Georgia. He is certified in the treatment of sexual and pornography addiction, and he and his wife, Teri, have a private practice working with men struggling with sexual and pornography addictions, as well as their wives who are dealing with betrayal. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes, including NFL and MLB players and television personalities.
He is the creator of the Inner Child Recovery Process (ICRP) for the treatment of Sexual and Pornography addiction. This unique treatment method helps individuals get to the root issues of their addiction and provides them with the tools and insight to manage the disorder. It is endorsed by many leaders in the sex addiction field. The Inner Child Recovery Process is the subject of his new book, Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. He also is the host of the webcast entitled Getting to the Other Side: Helping Couples Navigate the Road to Recovery.